Binge

Ate tosay again, lots and lots... purged after. Feel sick, that I can't control myself.

Iwant to die, can't stand myself.




Another day tomorrow, I'll make it!
One bad day, the next will be better with a little will-power

Once again

So I ate a lot again today.

9 kapamaki 1225kcal!!!!!!!!
and a slice of strawberry cake I must admit...

I feel sooooo horrible now that I've discovered it! I can't take it, weighed myself recently and I've gained 0,7kg. That's almost a whole kg! I'll try fasting tomorrow, or... now as it is later today.
I can't take this, I'm somply eating too much, and I'm not even hungry! I just can't understand why...

But I'll continue fighting, I'll make it, I have to make it!

Sometimes I just feel that I should tell one of my friends about all this. I just want to take it off of my chest and get people to understand! But I just can't as it is right now, I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to know how I'm suffering. Though, I've only got one real friend left right now, the others I've kind of pushed away it seems. But I won't lose her, she's everything to me and I love her with my entire heart and soul. And there is no other person in my whole life I would sacrifice anything for. Just... holding this from her is so hard. But she has enough problems as it is already at her hands, and I don't want to be anymore of a burden to her.

Ate too much

uh, I ate a lot today, don't know what happened to me!

Breakfast - cornflakes + milk 150kcal
lunch - 1 diet coke 1kcal
dinner - ½cup of cooked rice and a falafel (200kcal)?
AND! on top of that I probably ate a whole bag of popcorn that I have been unable to check the calorie intake of... Hopefully I'll go out to jogg tomorrow. Work some of it off, it's too late to go out now..

Tomorrow will be a better day!

lost weight

I have been able to lose some weight, at last. So now it's not as hard facing my fears of people seing me, so I can go out again... >_>
But even if I have 0 apitite for food, I need chocolate, seems the only thing I eat every day is ~300kcal chocolate and maybe a bit of some "real" food. I'm afraid that if I eat I maybe would get a tast for food again and start eating. Can't let that happen just as I've started losing weight. It's only in the late night like this that I'm hungry, but not really for food at all. Just hungry o_O'

I need sweets... sugar, chocolate, cream... but I must resist! And if I must have, I'll eat in early in the morning and absolutly not over 400kcal in one day. Really need to lose some more weight.

First

Yey my first post on my new blog.
I'm hoping that I'll stay with this, just writing whenever I feel like it. Everything will be fine...

Like most, I'm aiming to become the "size 0"... you know? Though it's gonne be a lot of more tough times, as I already been struggling with this all for more than two years now. I know it isn't much, but it's still takes control of my entire life.

I'm quite scared of people (haha) but I don't really mind anymore, it's mostly girls though... all the girls I talk to are either my childhoodfriends, very social people or girls I've had some kind of romantic relationship with. It's compleatly different with guys (sigh), that's probably why girls don't like me anyway, I get along too good with boys. Fun.

Anyway, summer as it is, I've gotten DEEP in this "evil circle" again. It hasn't actually been this bad before. Now I purge more, though don't have the enery to exersise as much as I've done in the past. And it's hitting me in the face... hard! Gotta get out!